Wednesday, December 20, 2006

NEW: VP!'s Arts & Entertainment Feature

I've watched 13 movies since last Thursday. Instead of stars, tomatoes, or thumbs, my rating system is comprised of broken legs. Highest rating 5 is broken legs.

The Explorers

The Explorers once made me believe that pre-pubescent German geniuses really could travel through space with the aid of a Commodore 64. 18 years later, it is still a really fun movie to watch. An added bonus is watching these young actors in light of their later careers. Scenes of the bespectacled and pudgy River Phoenix provide a sharp contrast to his speed-balling death in the Viper Room, while an over-acting Ethan Hawke makes one wonder how he avoided becoming a permanent fixture on the Young and the Restless.

In spite of the annoying infomercial-quoting alien and a non-sensical ending, this one still receives four broken legs for its nostalgia value.

The Butterfly Effect
We have a CD binder full of Thai DVD's from one of Kacey's co-workers. This one sat untouched in the binder until the last day in the hospital. I finally decided to watch it thinking that I would never pay to rent it and the movie might feature well as a DVD review on the up-and-coming VP! Arts & Entertainment feature.

From the first 5 minutes of this movie, I was convinced that Ashton Kutcher inserted into an over-wrought science fiction plot was a recipe for delightful failure. I foresaw the opportunity for a plethora of quips about various characters getting Punk'd and inserting Dude, Where's My Memory? whenever appropriate.

Alas, I was sucked in. While replete with holes, the plot was still engaging and Ashton's acting was ratcheted up about a half notch from Dude?.

Demi should be proud.

Into the Blue
My nephew, Jesse, picked this movie up after an internal debate about whether I would rather watch a nostalgic kids movie (a la Bedknobs and Broomsticks) or a movie featuring Jessica Alba's ass. If you know Jesse, the debate wasn't a long one.

This movie was freaking awesome. Not only does one get ample footage of the delightful underwater fauna in the Bermuda coastline (the footage of the rare species, Albacus Assaciliiodae, is exceptional), but the dialogue is worthy of a drinking game.

"Into the Drink", drinking game rules:

1. Each time footage of the rare species, Albacus Assaciliiodae, is featured, drink.
2. Each time the moniker "Bro" is used, drink.
3. When the phrase, "It's all bueno, dude!" is heard, drink 3x's
4. Each player also gets two opportunities to add "Bro" when it should be used in the film, but it is not. At each insertion, everyone must drink. However, if any two players both insert "Bro" into the film simultaneously, this is known as a "Jinx, Bro!" and everyone drinks 3x's.

All this was enough to give Into the Blue my highest rating.

More to reviews to come....

1 comment:

Rob said...

I know you were bummed to be in the hospital again, but the world has now benefited from your misfortune. Lots of free time equals a quality, and homage-worthy contribution to the canon of Western civilization, bro.