Sunday, November 04, 2007

The auditor's wife

“It’s hard to be left behind. It’s hard to be the one that stays. I keep myself busy. Life goes faster that way. I go to sleep alone and wake up alone. I take walks. I work until I’m tired. Everything seems simple until you think about it. Why is love intensified by absence?

Long ago, men went to sea, and women waited for them, standing on the edge of the water, scanning the horizon for the tiny ship. Now I wait for Henry. Each moment I wait feels like a year, an eternity. Each moment is as slow and transparent as glass. Through each moment, I can see infinite moments lining up, waiting.”

With the risk of sounding overly-dramatic, I find myself identifying once again with the opening page of The Time Traveler’s Wife. The first time I read this fascinating novel was when Coy had moved to Switzerland. I’m gladly re-reading it now as a selection of my book club. This time, the introduction struck a chord with me because Coy has been away so much. We did the math this weekend- we’ve spent more time in different countries since May than we’ve spent together. I’m not blogging about this to create pity or even to vent. It has just been a shaping part of our lives this year. In one sense, it has led to that intensity…the late night phone calls, trying to pack our weekends with all of the good things missed during the week, and the fluttery feeling in the stomach when it’s finally time for an airport greeting (I’ve always been an extreme sucker for emotional hype at airports. Crying while watching others say their hellos or goodbyes is not uncommon for me. This is a confession of where I am at my most sappy. Yep, airports and when blogging about missing my husband.). But I’m ready for a return to the normal. I want Coy to hit snooze eighteen times before I get up in the mornings. I want to cook dinner for us and go for walks after we eat. I don’t want to rely on email or cell phones in order to communicate- we already have to do that with the majority of the people that we love deeply. So that’s why I’ve not been a very good blogger these days, missing Coy is just the main thing going on.


Note: this entry was written from the Amsterdam airport. Coy had to work on Saturday and Sunday this week so instead of flying back to Zurich, KPMG flew me to him. Not bad. The point of this explanation is to tell you that I already choked up a bit when an elderly man turned from waving good-bye to his family in order to hide his tears. Where were they going? When will they see each other again? I don’t need sappy movies, just take me to the airport.

5 comments:

Tirzah said...

Just thinking about the airport makes me tear up.

Rachiley said...

aww kace - that's awful sweet. reading your words were bittersweet. you've inspired me to pick up the copy of the book you left for me as i head to charlotte on Tuesday.

todd said...

airports are incredible places. you can move from humdrum to unknown adventure, from tired toil to a long thought of home reunion. is that person running from bad to good or the opposite? its a crossroad of lifes wonders and heartaches immersed in crowded annonimity and islands of relationships with accelerated emotions based on arrivals and departures. movement forces possibilities, flight attendants and bagadge tossers become forces of natured compacting life experiences into a regular schedual of cheap unconforatable chairs and glass walls showing the arrival of hope and love. i too love airports

Braden and Anna said...

Oh...to be a KPMG wife. There are so many perks, yet still so many drawbacks. And the irony with the book for this month! I hope Clare gives you wisdom and hope!

Coby said...

thanks for letting us in. i miss you guys.